I’m going to do you two favours with this post, so I’m hoping you all send some love my way. This can be in the shape of money donations or buy me something from Amazon, I’m not too fussy. The two things I’m going to save you are TIME, which as we all know we don’t have enough of and some of your hard earned CASH.

DO NOT, under ANY circumstance go and watch the new Guy Ritchie, pile of stinking, tumor-inducing, shitty excuse for what he’s calling his new movie, Revolver. Don’t bother watching this on DVD, don’t watch it when it’s on TV eventually, don’t watch it if a friend comes over and the only other thing on TV is some reality TV program, DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE. This isn’t one of those reviews where they’ll be very cool and include it in the packaging (like Fight Club).

I thought about this and the problem is that Guy Ritchie actually thinks he’s as good as Quentin Tarantino. The two previous movies I’ve seen by Ritchie (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking barrels and Snatch) were both very enjoyable affairs. Revolver on the other hand can only be described as that bit of food that’s stuck in between your teeth, that decides to come out 3 days later.

It’s not that the acting was bad, because it wasn’t. The actors read their lines and did their thing. I can’t really fault the camera work, or the sets or the music, which were all pretty well done as well. Unfortunately what was really lacking in this movie was the fact that both the actual writing/dialog and direction were both truly sub par. Endless reams of self-analytical bullshit, compressed into this stream of drivel, that make you go,‘WTF did he just say?’ In fact the closest approximation I can give you in terms of how bad it got, was the dialog in the 2 Matrix sequels.

Yeah, that bad, honest, I wouldn’t be going on like this if it wasn’t.

I suppose it’s because I’m a fan of his previous work, that I feel like he cheated me of a decent movie here. The core concept and ideas if were given to Tarantino would be brilliant. And another thing, why would you do an animation in a movie (and a bad one at that) so close to Kill Bill? I mean at least that scene had a purpose, nearly a year since I saw that scene I can still tell you about it. I only saw this animated sequence yesterday and I can only remember one small part of it!

I know he’s better than this, so what was he thinking when he was editing this? Whatever Ritchie is smoking, I seriously don’t want ANY of it.