What a shit week. I’ve never been so happy to see friday in my life. What a rubbish rubbish week. Damn didn’t think lots of things could phase me you see. I’m generally overly optmistic about life in general. Sometimes however I just give up and honestly can’t be bothered to see the bright side of things. I’m really unsure about soo many things in my life right now it’s unreal.

I’ve got stories that don’t want to get written. Art that doesn’t want to get drawn and ideas that don’t ever want to come true. And I’m not getting any younger. This I suppose is what it feels like to be in a real glut of things. It’s like every little thing can really begin to annoy you and you feel a greater sting of things.

Every morning the only reason I get up with a perk in my step and a jump in my bones is because of my dreams and any work I’ve been up to. I will wake up with the specific purpose of actually seeing this masterpiece or mastershit I’ve created and how I can better it. How I can make it work. How I can fix it. That’s how I get up in the morning. It’s nothing to do with diet. It’s nothing to do with chemistry and everything to do with my mind. I wake up even though it’s painful sometimes to complete something I started work on.

I haven’t felt that for nearly a week now. While I understand that it’s not something that should come every day, to me, in order to give meaning to my life it does. Even if it’s something as trivial as a smile from someone or a nice word from someone, or even if I had the most amazing coffee this one day, that’s what makes me happy. I could care less about flash cars and other such rubbish. Some people consume, others create.

It’s strange how the world makes you loose hope for yourself, hope for the world and hope for everything that you thought should be dear to everyone. I guess this isn’t a normal blog now that I think about it. It’s my personal diary. It’s my thoughts broadcast on the internet where no-one except a few friends I’ve told about the site and other designers might stumble across it. Does it serve a purpose? It’s the only way right now for me to calm myself from the world around me and all the decedance I see around me every single day.

What a shit week.